The great French philosopher, author, and journalist Albert Camus once said “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” If you can relate to that quote, this article is for you. Social Anxiety is a term that we hear a lot nowadays, used to describe discomfort in social settings. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the definition of social anxiety is “an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others”.
In a society where appearance and social image rule, this treatable disorder is becoming more and more “common”, especially in teenagers and young adults. The intense feeling can manifest through physical reactions such as heart racing, sweating, dizziness, and more.
Social anxiety is a challenge faced by many IE students, as the pressures of academic performance, social interactions, and new environments often intensify feelings of anxiety and self-consciousness. In fact, some students are better at it than others, and that’s okay. In first year, I used to witness people blending in and making friends with such ease, and I wished I was capable of that. Fortunately, after a long time of personal work I managed to overcome this obstacle and enjoy my life to the fullest. In this article, we will dig deeper into social anxiety: what it is and a step- by- step guide on how you can work on that and improve your social skills.
1- Recognise the patterns
The first step to overcoming this challenge is to recognise the patterns and to pay attention to which situations, people, or places trigger your social anxiety most. For me, it was mainly activities such as group work that would trigger it. Growing up I got told on many occasions that I’m “bossy”, so when I started uni I was afraid to make that impression, which led me to having a huge lack of assertiveness. Being aware of that helped me find the solution, which was working on my assertiveness skills and rebuilding my confidence.
Another example is Rachel, a 21 year old exchange student from the US “when I’m in situations where I want to make a good impression on someone, I tend to overthink the things I do or say. This also applies to people who I already know, even talking to a good friend of mine can cause me to feel socially anxious, if I feel like I’ve said or done something that will make them think less of me.”
In a general sense, moments like speaking in public, meeting new people, dating, answering a question in class, talking to a cashier in a store, or even everyday things like eating or drinking in public are likely to cause social anxiety. For Christian, a 21 year old actor and student, places that are out of his comfort zone trigger his anxiety as well as crowded spaces.
2 – Improving Social Skills
“I feel like people think of me as a very awkward person. But I think maybe that’s just the anxiety” Rachel once again introduces a very important point: feeling awkward. That fear of being perceived as awkward or “cringe” is one of the main elements that are feeding your social anxiety. Therefore, trying to work on your social skills is a very effective solution.
There are three particular skills that can help with that:
- Assertiveness Skills: By being assertive, you establish clear boundaries and communicate openly. This reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings and creates a sense of control over social situations, which can alleviate anxiety.
How to improve it:
- Practice saying “no” without guilt.
- Use “I” statements to express yourself
- Maintain your stance without giving in to pressure, but stay respectful of others’ opinions.
- Non verbal communication skills: A huge part of communication is non-verbal. Learning how to properly manage body language, facial expressions, and tone can make you feel and appear more comfortable:
How to improve it:
- Working on body language skills such as eye contact, posture, as well as natural gestures and expressions can help you look and feel less awkward.
- Verbal communication skills: Learning how to communicate efficiently and eloquently is key to improving your social skills. In fact, learning how to ask open-ended questions and respond in ways that keep a conversation going makes social interactions feel less forced and awkward.
How to improve it:
- Practice Active Listening
- Practice Clear Articulation
- Practice Conversational Flow
3- How to Cope With Social Anxiety Emotions
Covering long term ways to overcome social anxiety is crucial, but being aware of ways to cope with the emotions in the moment is also extremely important. In this part, we will tap into some activities you can do to help preserve your mental health and calmness.
- Talk about it
Sharing your emotions and elaborating on precisely how you feel can be very beneficial and reassuring. Whether it’s to a parent, trusted friend, or professional, getting all these emotions off your chest will help you sleep better at night and might even be a way to get the help you need.
- Breath work
“My heart starts to beat harder and faster than it normally does. Sometimes my hands start shaking and my face gets flushed.” This is one of the many ways your body reacts to social anxiety. When it comes to avoiding these physical manifestations, breath work will be your best friend. I’m not going to bore you with the famous 4-7-8 technique, but practicing it consciously will definitely help you relax in moments of need. There are also many apps such as Calm or Headway, that help with managing your anxiety symptoms.
- Reduce negative thoughts
“I feel like every single person is looking at me and judging me, I also have constant intrusive thoughts like someone with a gun is gonna shoot me or that everyone is talking about me” This feeling is something that countless people are familiar with, including myself. Paranoia, assumptions,and overthinking are common side effects of social anxiety. Learning how to block out these thoughts as soon as you get them and grounding yourself to feel present in the moment works wonders.
4- Exposure Therapy: Face the Fear
Exposure therapy consists of being gradually exposed to things, activities, or situations you fear to help treat several conditions like trauma, phobias, and anxiety disorders. Although it’s scary and difficult at first, you will find it gradually easier the more you do it.
One of my interviewees said “A lot of the time, I choose not to attend plans or do things with my friends because it would be less stressful to stay at home.”
Avoiding feared situations do give short term relief, but definitely won’t fix the issue long term. Therefore, do your best to get out of your comfort zone and face your fears. In the worst case scenario if you really don’t feel comfortable, you can always do what Rachel does “I sometimes fake a phone call just to remove myself from the situation”.
5- Day to day strategies
Here’s a list of additional day to day strategies to help with social anxiety
- Arrive at meetings early to meet people one by one.
- Avoid using alcohol to increase confidence.
- Do activities you’re passionate about, despite the anxiety, are worth it.
- Make new friends by greeting people, giving compliments, or small talk.
- Get regular exercise and eat healthy foods to keep your energy levels up.
- Avoid too much caffeine or other ingredients that can increase your heart rate and anxiety levels.
- Work on shifting your mindset and learn to not take things personally.
- Set small, achievable goals.
- Take breaks when overwhelmed, but don’t give up altogether.
- Keep a progress journal, track your daily challenges and progress.
- Use positive affirmations every morning and whenever needed.
- Focus on the present moment.
Conclusion: Progress Over Perfection
Overcoming social anxiety is not about waking up one day and magically being free of it. It takes consistent work, and the path to improvement is often gradual. Don’t be harsh on yourself if you don’t see immediate results. Remember, it’s okay to have setbacks, and it’s perfectly normal for progress to come in small steps.
It’s important to avoid the unrealistic goal of erasing social anxiety. Social anxiety is a part of being human for many, and the key is learning to manage it, not eliminate it. By working on social skills, practicing coping mechanisms, and confronting your fears, you can significantly reduce their impact on your life.
At the same time, don’t accept social anxiety as a permanent personality trait. It’s a challenge you can work through, not something that defines who you are. You are capable of growth and change, even if it feels slow at times.
Lastly, if the journey feels too overwhelming, seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide you with specialized tools and support tailored to your needs. You don’t have to face this challenge alone, and with the right guidance, overcoming social anxiety is not only possible but within reach. You can do it!!
