You might be familiar with the saying that says “Wherever you go… there you are.” It speaks very much to the paradise paradox, an alluring but rose-tinted belief that moving to your “Paradise” will resolve all your problems. Many of us operate with the belief that, once we’re in that different country, the cooler city, or the place that comes to mind when we think of awesome, that everything will fall into place and we will be absolved of all our problems. While naturally, a change of scenery can definitely be inspiring or perk up your mood, the honest truth is that being in that alternative space cannot entirely detach us from the everyday challenges that we carry.
It can be incredibly tempting to put your “paradise place” on a pedestal. To see it as the ultimate prize. I mean, who wouldn’t want to think that there’s a place where all their worries can disappear? Humans, in general, tend to turn towards the external to resolve internal problems. In fact, we see it all the time: buying new clothes to distract yourself from sadness, overindulging in food to cope with stress, over working to avoid complicated relationships.
A lot of these do provide temporary relief; the issue is that since it is only for a moment, it does not address the underlying issue whatsoever. This translates to what we’re talking about – the idealization of certain places –, and it’s only further emphasized by the content we consume. Consuming content from our peers or influencers who constantly share how one particular trip changed their lives, or how moving to this other country to work remotely transformed them, saying they have no clue why they didn’t do it sooner. Even though we know by now that much of the content online is just highlight reels, it doesn’t stop it from becoming our point of comparison. This habit, in combination with inspirational information of this content, perpetuates the idea that once we reach this “dream destination” everything will fall into place.
In fact, a recent social media trend points exactly to this idea, with most people referring to it as “Thrive City”. The term focuses on the idea that each person has a city in which they will be the best version of themselves. While this doesn’t necessarily address the notion of escaping our problems, it does exemplify how we put these places on pedestals.
I think the concept of a Thrive City can be super exciting. A lot of people, in fact, would do better in maybe a more suburban area, or a place with more creatives, a more corporate space, or in places with more public transport. However, when we attain something that makes us very happy, it often becomes the new normal. Additionally, as humans, we experience large fluctuations or drops from our emotional baseline. Whether it’s devastating news or an amazing opportunity, we often adapt and achieve a new regulated emotional state. This is referred to as hedonic adaptation. For instance, someone might just think to themselves, “When I live by the beach, I’m going to be happy,” or, “When I’m in this particular city, I’m going to thrive.” This mindset applies to achievements and material possessions. There was probably a time in our lives when we did not have these and but believed that they would permanently contribute to our happiness once attained – yet now, they might even feel as much as forgettable. This further reinforces the idea that our pursuit of external happiness is often a dead end.
These points reveal that it can be valuable for us to shift our perspective on pursuing happiness, and what we attribute happiness to. Much of our happiness can be achieved by addressing internal dilemmas and understanding that quick gratification is exactly that – short lasting pleasantry.
Still, allowing ourselves to be inspired by possible opportunities in a new place is not only natural but beautiful. We simply have to understand that we cannot separate ourselves from our burdens, no matter our environment, no matter where we go. Being aware of this can encourage us to try to resolve the issues in our current environments or move to a new space with more intentionality. We can definitely find our own middle ground between the paradise paradox and our emotional baseline. We just have to remember: Wherever we go, there we are.
Featured image provided by @carolina_inainaina on Instagram.
